Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
