So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
