I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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