I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
