defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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