I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
