first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
