Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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