i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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