Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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