How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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