You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
its liver damage thursday
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
