I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
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