Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
As shirtless as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize