Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
