I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
