btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
