I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
