She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
