Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
