His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
