Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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