Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
