I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize