There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
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apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
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i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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