i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
