I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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