you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize