my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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