I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
