When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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