I need help removing her.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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