Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
