There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she smelled like a LAN party
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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