I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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