between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
