They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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