Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
