Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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