I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
