WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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