I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I need water and some morals
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
