It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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