i love accidental penises.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
