I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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