I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
