If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
