the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
