she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
