the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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