champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Semen is not good for contacts.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
