This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm both gender and math confused
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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