shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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