Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
this just has baby written all over it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
