i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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