I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
