YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
