I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
