"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
